SXSW Recommendations 09

Some of the SXSW Noteworthy Bands/Recommendations(with descriptions!) Excluding the always awesome Japanese bands, bands someone will recommend to me while walking through the events, or some of the secret bands who seem to fly in to play like one non showcase thing. No this doesnt have schedules(due to the party list not being up).

Presenting Pt 1. A-L

Airborne Toxic Event-LA indie rockers, that a lot of people seem to like. They are wrong. You can join them if you wish, but quite frankly it’s way cooler over here on the hater side.

Tori Amos- There are no snide comments necessary when the name symbolizes crappy music. I put this on here for Megan. 

Asobi Seksu-shoe gazey new york band with vocals from Tokyo. They did “Thursday”…download that track’s beautiful woozyness and tell me they aren’t worth seeing.

Amanda Blank- She’s a sexy white girl mc associate of Diplo/Hollertronix/M.I.A./Spankrock. Can rap and sing and was really good when we saw her at ze Mad Decent party last year.

The Asteroids Galaxy Tour-I hate ipod ads…hyping poor bands who haven’t even had a chance to grow. Go back to your coldplay hyping-bastards.
Anyway, they are Danish, kinda 60s pop, kinda early Nelly Furtado, the singer is strangely cute like Cassie from Skins. Verdicts out, but they could end up being quite the pop band. 

All The Saints-3rd best band from Atlanta(Deerhunter being 2 of course). That’s really why they are on here, I’m showing some ATL pride. They sound a like yet another moody 80ish band.

Steve Aoki- He’s got a hot sister and a bad ass rolodex. His Djing=so so. It could be a dance party worth attending.

Abe Vigoda- Um Callie, who knows her music, swears by them, so if you don’t dig them blame her. From LA, named after the actor… they sound like a shoegazy Interpol with maybe a dash more rhythm to me.

Au Revoir Simone-Dreamy piano/synth indie pop made by 3 way hot NY hipster girls. Good for all those woozy, lovelorn morning. I shoulda seen them two years ago when they were here. 

Avett Bros. I heard I missed the Avett Bros. in all their Bluegrass madness. I just think I don’t have a gray enough beard. Or a beard of any kind for that matter.

Beach House-You do realize they are the new Mazzy Star right? From Baltimore, more dreamy woozyness. I fucking love Beach House. Victoria Legrand is quite the singer…You should see them. I saw them two years ago at sxsw at urban outfitters of all fucking places. 

Bearsuit-Rambunctious British band from the Los Campesinos and Johnny Foreigner school, should be quite enjoyable. Kinda reminds me of the middle era Blur(you know the good era) as well. I’m eager to see them, actually. 

Big Boi-The underrated other half of Outkast, I’m cool with that.

Andrew Bird-People love him. I don’t get it. Countryish madness.

Martina Topley Bird-former Tricky ingénue/total GENIUS singer. Just did an album with Danger Mouse and Im a huge fan for over a decade. Martina is amazing, need I say more.

Black Lips-Again people like them, I’ve never gotten it. Prob the biggest non-rap Atlanta band, which deserves some props.

The Bronx-LA punks named after a NY borough are back, and weren’t bad in all their noisy fury. Havent heard anything new though.

The Brunettes-Boy/girl dup from Australia that reminds me of the lounge/Phil Spector 60s pop of Broadcast mixed with strangely adorable indie pop. They should be bigger. I will prob have them on my must see list.

Cage the Elephant-Kentucky band huge in England, plays with a strange neurotic ranty lyrical style that’s old school rockin. I’m shocked they have no US momentum at all, but have a UK fanbase already. Worth a look.

Camera Obscura-Plucky Scottish twee honky tonkers have a new album and I will be there and so should you. Seriously a MUST see.

Care Bears on Fire- 10 year olds playing rock tunes. Ok they may be 14, but still. It could be fun, my friend Super J from NY says so. I think she might be right…of course last years teens(Be Your Own Pet) were better.

Choc Quib Town-Columbian hip hop…I’ve heard some, it reminds me of Bonde do Role’s party vibe(no metal samples though). Amy enthusiastically swears by them, so they are on my list.

Cold War Kids-A perfectly fine rock band that people who don’t know about rock and roll like far too much.

Dan le Sac vs Scroobius Pip-It’s some pretty good dance shit, I don’t know very much about them. More friend recommendations again, blame them if you hate it.

Datarock-Jittery Danish new wavers rock out like a gay David Byrne and make you like it.

The Decemberists-They are way famous and they suck. See them if you want, I’m not touching those whiny maggots.

Dead Prez-The White House is the Crack House. Still good MCs, even if they aren’t prolific. 

Descartes A Kant-Harajuku Goth Lolitas by way of Mexico playing avant garde metal. Seriously, thats the only way to describe them. Not great musically, but the spectacle is well worth a peek. I have a feeling Tree might want to swing by and see this band, if only for a song or two.

Devo-You are a mongoloid if you don’t want to see Devo, of course most of us wont be able to, myself included.

Dinosaur Jr.-They are fucking Dinosaur Jr. Don’t really need to say more, ya know.

Duke Spirit-Liela Moss is a hot, soulful singer and the band has gotten way tighter, since I first saw them. They are a great rock and roll band, that’s really all you need to know. Worth seeing for sure(but Ive seen em twice, so I may not go out of my way to see them.)

Echo and The Bunnymen-Last I heard they are still good, they better be doing old songs. But, I’m scared they have a new album.

Efterklang-Folktronica is a term I have read for them…I say they sound like Mum-lite(before/after they let those Elvish voiced twins sing every song) Not that that is a bad thing.

8ball and MJG-Southern underground legends, have done their share of good work over the years. Always good to see them together, I’m not gonna hate.

Freeway-Two words fuck you…pay me… He was on that classic tune with Mos and Kanye, I have no idea if he’s still a good mc or not.

Glasvegas-They are probably on their way to being the biggest rock band in the world. You should probably see them now, before their tixs get all expensive. I’m not saying they are that amazing mind you, but I’d be ok with them taking that U2/Coldplay arena rock band spot in the next few years. Still the album’s not bad.

The Girls-Some Seattle punk band, I’ve heard rumblings about. Can’t say I’ve actually checked out any of their tunes.

Holly Golightly-She’s kind of a 50’s/Link Wray style trobadour, lots of ramblin and rockin guitars.

Sebastian Granger-Former Death From Above 1979 frontman has a solo album out, and I haven’t heard it- but I know it’s not as noisy as that. I’ll give him a shout out, for being in DFA1979.

PJ Harvey/John Parish-You’re not rid of her. I’m seeing PJ if I can. She is a rock legend after all, even when doing new songs with underrated collaborator, Parish.

Health-Noise rockers are 3rd in the hierarchy of LA scene bands for me. Avant guard, noisy, brash, it’s not for everyone. I do like them though. Live show was a little underwhelming.

Hearts Revolution-They are from NY. And sure while they may be Crystal Castles-lite, they’re Crystal Castles with an ice-cream van! Wow that sounded elitist, cuz I actually like them, but still CC-lite, lets not kid ourselves.

Heloise and the Savoir Faire-Tree and Amy vouch for them and the small EP I heard made me want to check them out. Kinda CSS new raveyness with a dash of the Gossip soul and the campyness of Scissor Sisters. Should be a good time.

Holy Hail- New wavey post punk meets a little bit of B-52s. Flashes of greatness with a hot guitarist and Cat, the totally sexy former MC of Fannypack! Book it, I’ll be there. 

Juliette and The New Romantiques-You like actresses who sound like a mini Patti Smith? You like the film Kalifornia? Sure you do. You could do worse I guess. I just figured I’d throw Juliette in, the way I had Zooey Deschanel on last year’s list.

Kid Sister-She’s a sexy mc who has owned the dancefloor with her flow on such recent classics as Southside and Control. Now there just needs to be an album…
Still a personal fav. Totally going to see Kid Sis with her toenails done and her fingernails matchin.

King Khan-Who is King Khan? What motivates such a man? I don’t know but, he does rock out in a fantastic 60s way and is way more cartoony and camp for just one singer to handle. Spectacle and fun times to be had, totally worth checking out.

Ladyhawke-New Zealand 80s revivalist, equal parts Heart, Pat Benatar, and Annie. Prob this years Robyn, could do the business. I do love single Dusk Til Dawn, so I’ll prob be seeing her.

Lady Sovereign-Everybody get Random! Last shot for British MC(now slightly sexier). If she doesn’t kill it she’s done. If she really has the hunger, then it will be great. Otherwise it’ll be ok, and people will forget about her again.

Late Of The Pier-Arguably my fave 08’ band. New rave meets glam rock. It’s unlike anything out there, and when it works it works brilliantly.(Of course sometimes they fail…) Probably number 2 or 3 on my must see bands.

Lenka-Isn’t she just Lykke Li with better PR and crappier songs? Kind of. But, that single of hers isn’t bad.

Lil Jon-Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh!!!! 

Little Boots-England’s version of Glass Candy, but the singer’s waaaaay more Kylie. I just heard the single (Stuck on Repeat)again. Pretty good actually, even though it’s not as good as say…Quicksand by La Roux(who will not be here, sadly)

Matt and Kim-NY partyers make bopping tunes with keys and drums, like a good redbull jolt. Fun if you haven’t seen them before.(I will be passing, catching them three times is more than enough thank you very much.)

 

Meat Puppets-More nostalgia circuit from SXSW(even though we’d all rather have fucking My Bloody Valentine) Austin/Arizona grunge/country rock pioneers put out some classics, I’m glad they are back, but I’m not dying to see them.

 

Mika Miko-Teenage/Twenty somethings are 1st in the LA scene hierarchy with their sloppy punk madness. I love the Clavin sisters and I will not be missing them this year.

 

MSTRKRFT-The other Death from Abover has made a harsh dance band that is reminiscent of Justice. In fact they are the North American Justice, that should be high enough praise.  Totally worth it.

 

N.A.S.A-They have the rolodex of Steve Aoki x 8 (see the most absurd list of guest stars on an album ever) and their album is a pretty solid danceable good time. It’s kind of like a movie with bad ass side players, but shitty leads.(Which quite frankly is still a movie worth seeing sometimes.) Oh the main guy is Spike Jonze’s bro and his sidekick is some skater guy. I’ll probably be seeing them.

 

Nellie Mckay-Is one brassy,hot chick. And she plays a mean piano. Along with some biting/witty songs. Why see Tori Amos when Nellie Mckay is like the good version of a piano songstress? I would have her babies.

 

New York Dolls-Dude they are the NY Dolls, kinda of. It’s basically David Johansen and Sylvain Sylvain doin some of their new stuff, hopefully with some old ones thrown in. I’m down, since I do love the Dolls.

 

No Age-2nd in the LA scene hierarchy. Duo makes a rawkus sound with a little bit of California dreamyness thrown in for good measure. Really good, I saw them last year.

 

Okkervil River-Austin’s country-ish types have won me over. That dude reminds me of Jonathan Richman’s strange vocals(without the unique genius mind you) Might be seeing them.

 

The Pains of Being Pure At Heart-Bad band name-Good 80s c86ish guitar band sound. Not as special as some will tell you, but think Wedding Present/House of Love. Verdicts out, could be better than the hype says and could just own it live, Probably will try and catch them.

 

Paranthetical Girls-Strangish indie band, I can’t really describe. Some of you out there might like them. I’m not really sure, what I think, I’m leaning more toward pretentious bollicks.

 

Katy Perry-Is boobs, boobs and more boobs. Don’t front, you’ve heard THAT song and seen the pinup style. You kinda have to at least mention her, but I’m sure seeing her is your own misery.

 

Peelander Z-Theatrical Japanese madness, that has to be seen to believed. I really can’t say the songs are anything special, but the spectacle=awesome.

 

Peter Bjorn and John-Back from the whistling Swedish wilderness, haven’t heard any new songs, but Bjorn has produced about 5 good albums in the past calendar year. So that alone, deserves props.

 

Perry Ferrell-Wait didn’t he just reform the REAL Jane’s Addiction, if that’s who we’re getting, I’m going. Otherwise, his solo stuff just disappoints.

 Ponytail- Now this fucking band I forgot. Baltimore Noise Rockers have been all the rage and should be quite the torrent of madness.

Primal Scream-Revolution you can dance to so they said in 2000. But, you know what I still love the fucking Scream, the new album is a good return to form.  Scottish/Manc badasses are the ones turned dance clubs into a good rock scene. I’m 100 percent seeing the Scream if I can.

 

Pretty and Nice- Like post punk without the artyness-Boston rockers are enegetic and poppy…not bad.

 

Proclaimers-You would walk 500 miles, but I wont.

 

Pictureplane- Denver dance artist, anchors the fledgling scene there, perfectly good avant garde idm. I might check him out actually.

 

Radio 4-Try to think back to pre 9/11 when Radio 4 post-punked their way through a triumphant mini Clash album celebrating the underground NY rock scene. Flash forward, it’s 09’, and they are back again with yet another album that makes you forget all about how good they were and how good they should’ve been.

 

Razorlight-Didn’t their frontman have sex with Kirsten Dunst? Wow, she will fall for any crappy brit-pop singer, won’t she?

 

Reflection Eternal-It’s Hi-Tek and Talib Kweli. I’m thinking classic underground hip hop at it’s finest.(even if mos doesn’t show up)

 

Rick Ross-Is he still hustlin’? Everyday you say?

 

Riverboat Gamblers-They are loud, from Denton/Austin, and a good spectacle even if the songs get samey in a fast Stooges kind of way after 10 mins.

 

Shiny Toy Guns-Better than they have any right to be. Oklahoma band are still the 80’sish band for people who have no idea who Ladytron are.

 

Silversun Pickups-Who are the real Silversun Pickups? No one really knows. They are from LA, they have a varied sound that reminds me most of early 90s alternative.  Lots of people like them, so it’ll probably be crowded. I’d be interested to see how they pull it off live.

 

Solange-She’s the more talented sister(who woulda thought that Crazy in Love singer would fall off so much) doin her retro-soul turn, and is pretty good at it, thin voice aside.

 

The Sonics-At some point they were the arguably best garage band…that was the 60s. Now they are probably someone’s granddad.  Oh you know it’s true, they could still bust out some classics though.

 

St. Vincent-Adorable Amelie lookalike from Dallas/NY is a pretty good singer/composer. Kinda like a less depressed El Perro Del Mar or even a more talented Beth Orton.

 

Team Robespierre-Callie says to me last year oh you have to see Team Robespierre!!!  What I’ve heard of them reminds me of both the good things and the bad things about Les Savvy Fav. Maybe this year I will catch them?

 

Thao with the Get Down-They are on the rise, growing bigger and bigger. It’s moody indie rock with a country tinge at times…Not as great as Camera Obscura, but still pretty damn good and Thao is quite the singer.

 

 

These Arms Are Snakes-Seattle rockers make a racket that some dig- computer says– meh.

 

3 oh 3!- They are from Boulder! They also sound like MGMT, but only less fucking pretentious and quite a bit crappier.

 

The Thermals-Adorable bassist and good time rock-outs make me happy, so I will indeed try to catch them.

 

Third Eye Blind-Why?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 

Pete Tong-was an ok DJ at some point, again more reputation than history.

 

Toxic Avenger-Kavinsky/Justice esque French DJ—someone better bust out with some fucking Tektonik. Should be good enough times to check out.

 

Tricky-Trip pop pioneer has had a ho-hum past five or years or so, but people seem to like the new concept album. Here’s hoping for a Martina Topley Bird duet or two.(If that happens…it’s a must. Otherwise it’s a perhaps.)

 

The Urges-Dublin’s preminent gothy 60s garage/surf group. All the typical benchmarks, Stooges, Cramps, Zombies, pretty good rock out for you psychobilly types.

 

Vivian Girls- From NYC They kind of remind me of a power trio version of Electrelane. Which is a very good thing. Dreamy, drony, rockin, angular, I’ll be catching them for sure.

 

Von Bondies- Cmon Cmon!. Their heyday 5 years ago was strong, nowadays not so much. But, I caught em last year and they got it done in their typical boy/girl Detroit rockout style.

 

The Warlocks-LA psych rockers lost the extra drummer, but still play the classics and are STILL better than the Brian Jonestown Massacre.

 

White Denim-Hometown heroes still reign in UK, less so here, but not a bad rock and roll band.

 

White Lies- Kinda remind me of a moodier Franz Ferdinand with more of a mid 80s influence. Not great. Seeing them live will make or break them for me I think.

 

White Shoes and The Couples Company-I totally dig them. They are a Indonesian lounge band in the spirit of Stereolab. I’m eager to see them.

 

Yacht-I saw Yacht last year and let me say he has great beats and has one hell of a spastic stage presence. Im interested to see how the new songs have progressed since a new album didn’t materialize last year, despite moving to a bigger label. Oh the description-Glitchy, adorable spazzy dance music…similar to the work he did with the Blow!

 

Young Love-Austin/NY dance pop artist is the definition of overrated, but is perfectly ok.

Da Da Da Da Da Da Da (fist pump)

So here we go I should recap the far superior totally awesome finest program of late 07 and early 08 “Skins” ze super dirty, harsh, darkly comedic British teen drama. But, since I went on a total binge(blame the actress Hannah Moore who plays the fucked up Cassie) and saw all of them and don’t want to spoil so I give my reccomendation. Totally worth ze torrent or borrowing your friends BBC America connected television.

 

Skins watch it, NOW!

 

But, noooo I’m covering 90210! In honor of all those who will in fact be asking me about it soon enough.(yes I see you waving at me Jenny and Beath)

 

Ok so the setup is exactly the same as new Degrassi… it’s a new generation of teens some of whom are totally related to the old generation of teens. Lets look at our characters.

 

Shenae Grimes(former star of gasp! Degrassi) plays Annie our valiant lead who burns up the screen with mad cuteness and total charisma. She kinda resembles a mini-Amanda Righetti(Hailey from the OC). Anyway it’s her world and every other one of the younger actors are her bitch. I look forward to seeing either back on Degrassi or something with better material.

 

And her adopted brother(played by Token Black, ok actually played by Tristan Wilds) gets into scuffles with lacrosse players the way we saw Ryan do with the soccer team on OC sea 1. In fact it’s like the same scene. He’s ok, nothing special.

 

Rob Estes summons his best Silk Stockings performance and times it by 1 as the patriarch/principal of the school… meh, bad excuse to get him in the show FAR too much. Totally also has a storyline also bogarded from OC and an illegitamite child.

 

Aunt Becky/Lori Loughlin seems to be getting screwed out of her rightful place at head of the show, and is solid/still good looking, in fact you can totally watch Summerland(her last vehicle) and see the same shit.

 

Jenny Garth misses Amanda Bynes, I can tell, because her work as Kelly Taylor was way cuter when she had Amanda’s flaquita 50s sitcom madness to work off of. She has a kid and of course a sister, who is oh so Emo! And you can tell because she wears black, with a nickname and blogs! She’s related to Kelly and David Silver, in a weird incestuous remarriage thing of adult characters who were barely a part of the original show.

 

This girl who plays Naomi(the Mean Girl) is boring. Why is this making me want to watch Gossip Girl(which I hate)

 

And the requisite drug character, Adrianna(Jessica Lowndes) is hot because she looks like “What about my ching ching ching” era Nelly Furtado. She’s at least ok, for this reason alone.

 

There is a latin actor playing an arab(god forbid give a real arab a chance) who is the new Andrea Zuckerman(who also has a next generation kid in a minor role.). He’s does tha paper, his dad does porn, isn’t that HILARIOUS! The show wants you to think so.

 

Jessica Walter star of Arrested Development and Grand Prix, beats as the Movie Star Grandma character, flexing her muscle as classic acting awesomeness.

 

Last main character, thank god! Some curly haired pretty boy dude names Ethan who is a man-whore/crush of our heroine. He dates Naomi. He’s a dick. There ya go.

 

Assorted notes of episode 1

It’s every teen drama you’ve seen in your life both good and bad. See I try and support Austin peeps like the recreator of this program, and this is what I get, boring fucking telelvision.

 

For every great Tilly and the Wall performance(which seemed like the Rooney performs episode) and Adele song played, they played TWO fucking Ting Tings songs. Dear God.

 

More misery in hour 2

There’s some Saved By The Bell style prank another school plot and wait, there are more characters, goddamn it…

Some pretty boy singer guy, who Annie also likes. Todd or Ty or something. He has a Bentley, he’s workin it with jets and bollicks like that. Charisma=0 again.

 

Awkward, mouthy cool teacher guy gets a lot of screen time…for a show about teens.

 

Shannen Doherty gets her one line in episode 1 and cashed her 75000 dollar check, huzzah for Brenda! And then she earns her pay in an awkward happy reunion scene! With Kelly and Nat(yes the Peach Pit guy)

 

Oh hey they play video games like the OC!!! Fake ones, unlike the endless Ninja battles of Dynasty Wars that Ryan and Seth rocked.

 

The final verdict(with 20 minutes left to watch)

 

Goddamn I miss Luke Perry… And John from Cincinnati for that matter.

 

Booooooooo!!!!! I think this proves Fantatique’s blog about how awful the new 90210 will be true. And won’t be watching again.

 

Shenae Grimes. Totally cute. Totally talented. Please for the love of God go back to Degrassi The Next Generation and get in a  three way cat fight with Emma and Manny over Craig. Or how about doing some film where she is the cute friend of Keira Knightley or something, then I can go see it.

 

Watch Skins not this dreck.

I’m tired of hearing why Batman is sooooo great.

And since I’ve made the point of defending Speed Racer over Batman, I will give you reasons why it is in fact better than the so-called Dark Knight. First up, 

5 Reasons Dark Knight isn’t that great

1. No Harley Quinn.

It’s a proven fact in modern Gotham that when you have the Joker you need Harley. It’s just not the same having this Joker character be oh so evil without the lover/star struck counterpoint Harley to check his power sometimes and call him a)Puddin’ or b)Mr. J. Oh and they need her pet hyenas, she has to have the “babies”. And frankly, she’s one of the coolest supporting characters in the whole Universe that is Batman.

 

2. Style

Frankly the movie had all the style of XXX. Didn’t see that one? How about any Uwe Boll film? Postal perhaps? Maybe even Robocop 3? Yeah that’s the one Robocop 3. It looked exactly as apocalyptic and ooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhh scary !!!!!!! dark as the fucking movie where Robocop flies with a jetpack and walks on water like Jesus despite carrying a huge semi-automatic pistol. 

How about this all you Batman lovers, give me a call when you’ve seen 4 Mos 3 Weeks 2 Days(dir Christian Mungiu), Street Of Crocodiles(dir Brothers Quay), Dark City(dir Alex Proyas), and Sunshine(dir Danny Boyle) and then we’ll fucking talk.

3. Christian Bale as Batman channels 1990 WWF Champion The Ultimate Warrior. 

Don’t believe me. Watch how the Warrior talks in comparison to Bale’s “subtle” Batman. Just substitute “Hulk Hogan” for “Joker” or “Two Face.”

 

4. No Batarangs. No Utility Belt. No Grappling Hook!?

Wait a minute isn’t that like having a Superman movie where he can’t fly, use heat vision, or have super strength!? Oh but, that would make the film so comic booky…. and we can’t have regular people thinking that comic books can possibly be good?! gasp!

5. No Coldplay song. 

Because nothing says bloated and tired in 2008 like fucking Coldplay. 

And now

5 Reasons that Speed Racer is in fact a better 3 star movie than so called Batman.

1. CGI that is adventurous.

This goes back to the idea of style, you see according to modern movie going audiences, style is bad. It’s true, because how else can so many hack directors be perpetrating action films with so little invention and still be allowed to direct. Speed Racer for all it’s flaws, is a great Sat morning cartoon with fantastic choices in editing, color, pace, all the way down to it’s reaction shots. It’s like someone read the source material. gasp!(unlike Batman which is almost the equivalent of making Crime and Punishment with a gun-toting Jason Statham as a character named “Raskal”)

2. Christina Ricci

10 Maggie Gyllenhaals(as good as she was in ze film and in secretary) will never = 1 Christina Ricci.

3. Sweet pan euro-asian cameos. At least 15 of them.

My personal fav, Moritz Bleibtreu of Run Lola Run fame as an evil racer. Of course Jana Pallaske is also in it. 10 point bonus.

4. Side characters that actually are awesomeness.

The kid who plays Sprittle literally steals the movie away from everyone in an “Even Stevens” Shia Leboeuf kind of way. I would’ve thought that having a monkey with a little kid was recipe for vomit inducing scenes, but the way both actors(monkey and kid) play their scenes, it makes for some good comic relief.

5. Better chase/race scenes.

I don’t like hummers racing with even slower trucks in tunnels that look pilfered from the set of Ronin. And I don’t like seeing cars wreck in almost the same way that Matt Damon seemed to do in the Bourne Supremacy, because frankly it was better the first time.Cover version of movie scenes=bad.

I do like crazy Mach 5s going through loop de loops and fireworks before crossing a huge checkered finish line that immerses the whole screen.

 

So as I said both movies 3 stars of okness, but if you want a good movie just go see Iron Man. Or better yet go rent Day for Night(dir Francois Truffaut) That one’s a winner.

Extreme Ops is your Masterwork of Modern Cinema

And now for the first in a series of excellent reviews of terrible movies

Extreme Ops

Dir: Some dude who makes tv movies with Robert Carlysle playing Hitler.

 

Ok so here’s the “plot” 

Rufus Sewell(that actor from the underrated Dark City who looks like the young version of Swearengen from Deadwood) plays an “extreme” commercial director who is making a series of “exxxxxxxxxxxxtreme” sports ads for a japanese camera corporation. So the opening fifteen minutes is a combination of cgi meeting decent stuntwork, until gasp! there’s some exposition. The co-owner of the production company(awful nameless actor #1 who gets no credit for whining his way through his performance.) has declared for the next ad “We will be winter sportsing in front of an avalanche.”(not an exact quote)

And then off to Austria….!

So next we are introduced to the crew of extreme ops made up of cameraman Will(Devon Sawa who got some of you ladies through your tween years and subsequently broke your heart by turning awkward cuteness into total grossness), cocky “EXTREME” boarded Silo(some british dude doing the WORST American accent this side of Keira Knightley’s barbituate laced drawl in The Jacket), snowboard punk Kittie(Jana Pallaske a fantastic German singer who unleashes pouty punk madness in a pink coat as she stomps over everyone in the film), and Olympic Gold-Medalist Chloe(Brigitte Wilson aka Mrs. Pete Sampras aka Sonya fucking Blade from Mortal Kombat) Oh yeah, there’s another German guy there for the ride, who seems rather unimportant in the whole scope of the film, other than sporting the harsh accent that Ms. Pallaske doesn’t have and translating for the crew in Austria.

And then skiing. And snowboarding for 15 minutes including a classic skiing off a roof over some fire waving tourists onto a bar scene!!!!!!!

Meanwhile there are EVIL SERBS who have faked the death of their general leader for some reason and are hiding out in the mountains at this unfinished hotel the “Extreme Ops” are staying at. That seems to be the full extent of the exposition because it’s time for…

more WINTER SPORTSIIIING!!!!!!! behind a train. And a parkour influenced chase scene with dogs and DDR songs(home version no less.) Oh wait and a night boarding scene with the lovely Jana at her rockinest.

Then more exposition in the form of a truth or dare scene that involves Mrs. Sampras popping the lovely Jana’s bubble gum with a fake kiss, instead of going for perfectly good PG-13 lesbianism.  Devon Sawa leaves the tub and happens to videotape a hot chick who is doing this general guy and gets shots of them together, which is bad for them since they faked his death.

The ops get totally taken hostage by the general’s son who also is mad about the non lesbianism in the previous scene and DEMANDS the two lead actresses kiss.(Yes this really happens. Really it does.) Of course for some reason his compatriot does not like seeing girls kiss and they shoot each other mexican showdown style.

Whiney production guy gets captured by the Serbs. They must hate his acting too.

Which leads to their escape/a long ass hanging off a cliff sequence/the most absurd plot precedent/ deus ex machina i’ve seen since Sunshine/the most absurd death I’ve seen in a movie not named Snakes on a Plane.(I won’t spoil the fun.) Needless to say the ops are split apart and trying to escape the bad guys in attempt to get the movie to ninety minutes.

The generals hot model has SAVED the whiney production guy! They literally walk out the bunker door and are all of sudden they are free???!!!!! 

Wait a second…somehow Jana has a rocket and is shooting at helicopters like it’s Rambo III, I missed something. REWIND…

Ok I still have no clue how she has a rocket or flare or whatever it is. Where’s the deleted scenes to fill in the blanks?!(The DVD is so ghetto, it doesnt even have a commentary or any accoutrements.)

Then of course they borrow a Jackie Chan moment, divide the coolness by about 100, and then somehow make it even lamer, which leads to the only good indecipherable good one-liner/trailer moment. 

Violence over.(super lame as it was)

Of course ending happens, blah whatever.

But, wait there’s more!!!! In the ultimate moment of defiance to show how EXTREME!!!(last time) they deface the billboard that they almost fucking died for in an incredibly dumb moment of CGI, rendering the whole things even more worthless.  Of course I guess the whole movie is essentially worthless from just the title alone, I mean how can they be OPS if they are just selling cameras. 

Verdict: Makes XXX(with Vin Diesel you dirty minded peeps) look like Citizen fucking Kane. Amazing that this film made it to theaters and Run Ronnie Run went straight to DVD. However, Jana Pallaske is a hot, fantastic talent who has me wanting to see some of her German films that probably  are pretty good. Time to start the bandwagon/fandom of Jana. Whatever about the film, it induced 90 minutes of writing books and blogging. And while it struggled for every point of it’s 6% Rotten Tomatoes score, it still proved to be more entertaining than Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette. 

Extreme Ops Trailer Of Trash

Jana Pallaske schools American rock singers how to be absurdly hot in a video.

And now for randomness total…

Can someone explain to me how Psychobilly music embraces the dark side, hell and satan, YET every tune is about Jesus? Seriously, I think they mention Jesus and spirituality more than a mid 90’s DC Talk album. 

A few quick updates…

The new kitty Trickie Woo(a siamese) is still running around like crazy. She seems to be settling in nicely.

Bob Log III drank a boob scotch, but surprisingly this was NOT the highlight of the show. Mr. Log grabbed his fine guitar jumped on an inflatable raft and rowed his way through the top of the crowd without missing a note. Now that is spectacle.

2nd place at Trivia. Recognize. 35 dollars for ze “kids these days.” As LL Cool J would say, we rocked the bells.

Leticia Spin is done…!!!!!!! Not fine tooth comb version yet, but pretty much clean.

New mix will be posted next week. It’s called the since Muxtape. Hates Macs mix.

Book writing, good. not so good. depends on the minute. Working on new material is tough, I had forgotten that. lol.

In the short soccer rant…Milan and Ronaldinho, sounds like the biggest waste of 20 mil the Milanistas have considered doing. Here’s hoping we are celebrating the purchase of a striker worth a damn next week, instead of me needing to rant even harder.

Best new catchphrase of the week… “Velvet… Get the bag!”– as said by pro wrestler/”Beautiful Person” Angelina Love to her tag partner Velvet Sky before attempting to make fellow wrestler Gail Kim “prettier”/her bitch.

Too much Murakami, is good for you. Especially books like Dansu Dansu Dansu(Dance Dance Dance.) I like books about Psychic Teens and Disaffected Middle Age Journalists.

Cyd Charisse RIP(the great dancer/most underrated sex symbol of all time) Yes I didn’t get a chance awhile ago to props this great actress/performer/Texan.

Black Books=British show of genius. Watching it will make u super happy lucky.

I just saw the best Kraftwerk doc.(all 30 mins of it.) It’s time to break out the albums again.  I seemed to just write and watch Kraftwerk vids last night. And this one was an amazing find, the only word I can use is history. Props to the uploader.

From their absurdly difficult to find third album “Ralf and Florian” and the tune that pretty much begins the Kraftwerk sound…”Tanzmusik”

And there you go a few assorted random notes.

There’s Just Not Enough Room On This Screen For Both Of Us!

A dash of housekeeping Tony Micelli style, where I comment on a few things.

Is it wrong to have a thing for Audrina Patridge? I mean how is she not the new Britney Gastineau. Wait I guess she is the new Britney Gastineau, just more famous.

Why do I download Living Lohan every week? I mean sure I end up writing stuff and possibly vomiting during it, but still I totally check it out. Maybe I just like watching a mother live vicariously through her daughters, while her sons rot in a purgatory called unfamous.

Did I really just see the Two Coreys argue if Michael Jackson molested them? Whoa. Say what you will about it being scripted or not, that’s some harsh shit to dig up. But, here’s the thing, I swear they should’ve just made this show the Corey Haim Comeback Special. The guy really does have talent and all of his scenes are reality gold.  I’m also glad to see he’s got a role in Crank 2 with Jason Statham because if he can stay clean, there is no reason that guy can’t be a good character actor in smaller films. And why is it Feldman comes across as a douche on every reality show he’s on. I swear his performance on this and Surreal Life has totally made me redefine my opinion on Friday The 13th part 4.

Ok so my notes on soccer, basketball, and hockey and then we’ll get to the real blog post. 

So yes, my beloved Pens lost a few weeks ago. They played valiantly, but weren’t ready to step up to the next level, quite yet. The team HAS to spend money on defense and their free agents, because they’ve got a superstar nucleus for the next few years.

Dallas Mavs NBA draft. Damn you Jason Kidd. No new picks for an aging team! How thoughtful of the Nets to demand them as part of the trade?

Ok soccer. Congrats Spain.(Especially my man/Arsenal superstar Cesc Fabregas. And a friend of mine loves Torres so shout out to him even though he plays for the hated Liverpool).

But, the real pain in fact came from the Netherlands playing like a futbol juggernaut in the group stage, with every one of the midfielders looking like glamorous superstars, only to struggle in the Quarter-Finals and look lethargic and defensively inept. Except for Wesley Sneider who has to be made captain after these finals. I though Rafael Van der Vaart would be that player, but it was Madrid’s Sneider who showed that he has the heart to lead a club to prominence.

Ok so back to the title of this blog…

This Screen Isn’t Big Enough For The Both Of Us!

So I finally saw “The Other Boleyn Girl” yesterday and I will say that despite people having a tendency to slam it, it wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t great either, but it was certainly better than Marie Antoinette. 

It’s shot pretty well, Eric Bana is solid as the king and made me want to go see his work in Troy, and the general plot of “love” and women used as political pieces is an interesting one. In fact this plot could’ve made for a stellar period piece, but…

The problems arise in one simple fact. There is not enough room for Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson on the same screen. When you see most period pieces you almost always have that one strong and/or beautiful actress(lets say Keira Knightley or Dame Judi Dench) and character players that fill the other maiden roles(say Shirley Henderson, Carey Mulligan, or even the absurdly beautiful Romola Garai.) Now you probably don’t recognize those last couple of names, but they have been smaller yet important roles in period pieces. They don’t crowd the leading lady’s space or try to one up her performance, they are there to support it and make you root for or against the leading heroine or villainess.

And using those parameters, it’s easy to see how the film both got made and how it fails. Im sure the producer was like “Holy Crap!!!! We can get Natalie aaaaaaaaaand Scarlett in the main roles? Lets do it.” And it does indeed sound like a dream team, like Heat or The Forbidden Kingdom. But, the problem is you really aren’t sure who the lead is and having them both as co-lead just blocks any attachment or rooting interest the audience might develop for either character. But, in the acting department, both are solid enough. Scarlett is probably better in the film, but, mad/sad Natalie is definitely a winner. However, I swear that I’m tired of these Natalie period pieces. Can someone PLEASE give her a modern script that lets her use her natural charm. She is one of those actresses that is REALLY good when she’s playing a character that’s natural and more like herself(i.e. Mr. Magorium’s), but not as powerful when she’s doing something that has no resemblance to her personality(i.e. this movie. Closer. lots of examples.)

Anyway, I think the theorum of the period piece is simple, character actors alongside, your one or two heavier players.  I’m interested to see if Sienna Miller and Keira Knightley can coexist in this new Dylan Thomas biopic that’s coming out, so I can test this theory out.

 

 

 

Assorted album discussions aka yet another declaration.

Since I haven’t blogged about albums in awhile(and I need to warm up before getting back into The HFC Is In Love.) You get a few sketches of albums that are worth buying and perhaps a few that induce a few hateful rants.

And frankly, in modern times, it has to be pretty unique to catch my attention or else I’ll probably just put it into the purgatory of itunes and wait for it to appear on random play.

Life Without Buildings-Any Other City. 

For some reason I feel like starting with an older album. One that got totally lost in the shuffle a number of years ago. Angular, scratchy, rhythmic, sassy, esoteric, all words that describe the best post-punk albums of the 80’s. And this one fits all of them, despite coming out in 2000. Yes 2000. So being ahead of it’s time and brilliantly retro at the same time left it with no audience of course.(just like what happened to Chat and Business by Ikara Colt around the same time.) And yes it’s out of print, so you’ll have to hunt it down.(No, it’s not even easy to find online.)

Los Campesinos-Hold On Now Youngster

Just wait they’ll end up on the soundtrack to Gossip Girl and you’ll hear them if you haven’t already. I don’t say that with disdain, they deserve it. Smart, playful rock and roll that actually lives up to the hype of last spring’s original e.p. Even though the album doesn’t have “We Throw Parties…You Throw Knives,” which is actually kind of a travesty, but I suggest buying the digital version and adding the singles/ep tracks to your burned version/itunes.

Lil Wayne-Tha Carter III

Weezy’s 800th album of the past two years finds him solidifying his spot as the modern day Kool Keith and strangely straddling mental institution and utter genius.(Like most artists worth a damn.) He still hasn’t topped “Fireman” though. You should probably check it out. 

Ladytron-Velocifero

As a fan for seven years, I was hoping for Ladytron to kind of settle into a Stereolab kind of mode, where they explore the same territory, occasionally straying for some weird avant-garde jam out, but still putting out these brilliant songs that just cannot be ignored. And you know what they have, except for the fact, that none of the songs are even close to brilliant.

The Long Blondes-Couples

I go to Long Blondes next because somehow they went from being decent, stylish also ran rock band, into the modern version of Missing Persons. Seriously it’s good. Forget the last album, put on the tune Century, and be surprised.

Foals-Antidotes

C’mon they have a song called Mathletics. Surprisingly decent post-post-disco-whatever it is now punk album. Whenever they release a compilation about this era of music, I have a feeling Foals will in fact be on it.(For either Cassius or Mathletics, alone.) Worth finding on a type of file transfer that starts with a T. 

El Perro Del Mar-From The Valley To The Stars

I think Sarah Assbring(aka El Perro Del Mar) makes even cupcakes sound depressing. She continues with her depressed Crystals-era Phil Spector moodyness, but she also adds some fantastic organic chamber pop elements, which adds the brilliance and raw emotion that the last album lacked. Think”Desertshore”-era Nico, maybe Margo Guryan. Yes those are heavy hitting names, but I think this second album is putting her in shouting distance of those underappreciated singers.

The Kooks-Konk 

Over.

Does It Offend You, Yeah?-

Just call them EMF 08′.

Crystal Castles-S/T

Hey Alice Glass really is like “Bang” era Karen O! The best thing about this 8-bit album is a combination of old songs you’ve played out(and need on an official album), new jams that surpass the old, and amazing, danceable rage.

The Ting Tings- We Started Nothing.

Stop Apple ads before they kill again. Poor CSS. They never had a chance. (sorry to my Chiat Day peeps, but I’m sorry. Enough is enough.) Anyway, back to the Ting Tings. The two singles are ok, but I swear I liked them better when they were made by The Prototypes.(They’re from France. Worth a check out Wait weren’t they in an ipod ad too? I can’t even keep track. Just go get some Devo albums, you’ll be happier, ok.)

Neon Neon-Stainless Style

It’s a concept album about Delorean! And the album needs to be fixed as much as the cars always had to be.

Blood Red Shoes-Box Of Secrets

I can’t tell if they are going to be the new Kills or not.  Similar lineup and dynamic(1 sexy boy and 1 sexy girl). Maybe a dash more pop. Not as much sneer. But, the songs have better refrains and a strange frenzy that builds in a Bay City Rollers meets Thin Lizzy kind of way. You could love it, you could hate it. But, “I Wish I Was Somebody Better,” is on the short list of the half year’s good singles.

Did Animal Collective put out anything new?

Ok, thank God. I’ve heard enough bad indecipherable Manson family style sing alongs, drum circles, and acoustic guitar to last me for the rest of the decade.(That one is for Candice!)

The Kills-Midnight Boom

Speaking of The Kills, I do in fact love this album, but it’s REALLY top heavy. The first three songs carry so much weight, that it’s almost unfair to the rest of the album, and because it’s a more refined version of “No Wow,” it suffers from not having the same kind of shock and impact that that album had in spades. “Tape Song” is the sexiest thing they’ve put out though, which is saying alot. And since it actually lives up to the hype and expectations set by second single “Cheap and Cheerful,” it’s actually worth going out to buy. 

Martina Topley Bird-The Blue God.

Pitchfork is wrong. Per usual. It’s Martina(ex-Tricky ingenue) meets Danger Mouse(ATL! what). I really don’t need to say more. Dark, woozy, yet danceable. Martina please stop taking five years to put out albums, it makes us all too sad.

Clinic-Do It!

Sounds like a combination of “Internal Wrangler” and “Walking With Thee.” Basically it sounds like Clinic on a good day.

Be Your Own Pet-Get Awkward

I dig the band. I dig the show. Jemina Pearl is cute. But, the US release of this album is castrated so poorly that there is no point in getting it. Two of the better songs(“Black Hole” and “Becky”) are on a seperate US only EP and the rest of the album REALLY suffers without them. It’s worth listening to, it just sucks that the record company has indeed screwed the band and the fans.

Santogold-Santogold

It’s an ok pop album. I’m not gonna be one of those backlash critics hating it just because it’s MIA-lite. Which it is, mind you. But, unlike them I realize that it’s 2008 and MIA’s “XR2″ is both a year and a half old and enjoyed by people who think Shiny Toy Guns have an original sound. So I figure why not have some one else do their take on it, especially when “Creator”  has made the vacants tear up the club for like six months. 

Mala Rodriguez-Malamarismo

Now, if you want good new rappers just get Mala Rodriguez. She’s mean. Her nickname means “bad.” The beats are all NY style. She’s hot. She’s Spanish. All you need to know.

Hadouken-Music For An Accelerated Culture

Die new rave! Die! Ok let’s not go that far. But, I haven’t heard an album this disappointing in awhile. No “Tuning In.” No “Dance Lessons.” I liked those tunes. But this is a bunch of cluttered tunes that seem to be 8-bit, new rave, white boy grime, which seems to have congealed into one Jesus Jones-esque putrid puddle.

These New Puritans- Beat Pyramid

“Elvis, I wasn’t talking about that king. I wasn’t talking about that king. Or hairdo’s.” So says the best line of arguably the best song of the year. This band is already someone and you don’t know it, so you better introduce yourself. A dash of no-wave, some 80’s danceteria, a Fall influence, and a lot of arty awkwardness makes the band totally and utterly unstoppable. It’s not everybody’s cup of tea, trust me. Anyway, the album uses rhythm brilliantly, whether it’s the spoken word vocals, drum machines, or of course an angular guitar. I’ll break it down like this… People love Vampire Weekend because they are oh so rhythmic. (Which is fine if you support more people like Paul Simon and Sally Struthers exploiting Africans.) But, the smart, good, interesting, much more with it version of a rhythm based band is fucking These New Puritans.

There don’t say I didn’t give you anything tunes wise for the year.

 

Ice-T Family Feud Gangsta…

I swear I just saw that guy who did Mic Contract and You Played Yourself on Celebrity Family Feud! At least he was doin it for charity and his first answer was d!@k and had to be censored.  

Of course he’s right that Souljah Boy-Tell Em has in fact killed hip hop. Except he forget those dudes who did Laffy Taffy.

It’s been a good week for Ice T Mark II- “The Crotchety Old Man Version”

 

As the Blues Explosion once said “DAMAGED!!!!!!!!!!”

So the Rilo Kiley concert was good times last week, especially when they went all 80’s with their new material. Even though the new songs aren’t as good as the classic heartbreaking alt-countryish tunes, the band seems far more excited by their discovery of Berlin albums.(Ok that sounds super harsh.) You’ll never hear me talk bad about Jenny Lewis though. I mean from the moment she gambled her bus ticket on a game of Double Dragon, I’ve always loved her.

But, at the end of the show, the famous Young Ceezy and I had a discussion about the show and it went a little something like this.(Paraphrase alert)

I:That was pretty damn awesome

C:Shit yeah it was.

I:But, something was missing. I mean Jenny Lewis was rockin, but she seemed to be missing something.

C:You’ve got to be kidding me. She seems really comfortable with herself and her stardom.

I: Exactly my point, I think it kind of fucks up the songs.

C: You just revel in singers being damaged, that’s all.

And you know what it’s true. While I had broken my proclamation of talking bad about Jenny Lewis, my point was simple, she’s content with where the band is at. Which as a longtime fan of hers, makes me happy. But, as a music fan, it destroys some of the power of those songs.(note, some not all there)

Of course this all goes back to ye olde Theorem of Madonna(seen in Ian Blog Vol 1. Post 5), where it says quite clearly that once the band loses that hunger, they have nothing to say. That’s not to say they can’t put out a good dance jam, pop song, or arena rock song, but the precarious line where art and raw emotion have been painted over with new glossy non lead based paint. 

For example look at Cat Power. She’s a spokesmodel now for Chanel. Like Nicole Kidman. Like Paris fucking Hilton. C’mon. Didn’t this used to be the girl in the tattered jean jacket who could barely muster a word on stage let alone have her on personal catharsis on it? Long gone are the days of a Metal Hearts… Oh wait , she’s even rerecorded THAT song on her latest covers album in the most polished sitting at a Billy Joel piano way possible. She took a really interesting retro influenced song that sounded like Southern heartbreak at it’s worst and turned it into something as unemotional as her last soccer mom targeted album.(and before you attack me comments, I like that album ok, but I’ll be damned if it’s half as powerful as earlier album.)

What next? Joanna Newsom will decide to no longer sound like “away from his family in An American Tail Fievel”? Oh and she’ll only use the harp setting on a Moog Synthesizer from now on. Jaysis.

But, back to my original point, what made Jenny Lewis such a likeable singer is that she in fact was awkward and damaged at the same time. She wasn’t a rockstar or even a former child star, when she was singing all those assorted songs about heartbreak and that’s why you bought into em. No matter how well or poorly the songs are played(see Doherty, Pete), if you have the emotional catalyst to make the album/song feel like something unique or special, you have everything and if it fades, you got out not with a bang, but an overproduced soul sucking mess of a record.(again see Theorem of Madonna-Like A Prayer album section.)

I heart vids section:

In honor of that same red haired songstress

The Angry Video Game nerd does the Power Glove

 

JLee=Ratings

It’s true producer peeps out there, she’s a ratings magnet. Hosting?????? Jenny Lee??? Sounds like something I’d watch and it should happen far more often. Ok, I don’t have local NY TV, so I’d torrent this program, but still that’s some important hard drive space I’d totally use to watch the program. Or at least if they put her far more often on the video podcast (as this vid is) I will use the dreaded and feared RSS feeds that I never, ever use to tune in. In short producers, I think watching the famous Jenny Lee in all her smoky voiced ambiance/general charismaticness talk about the history of one the biggest cities in the world est sexy. And you all should do so. Anyway, I hope she doesn’t mind me boosting the vid she sent me to all my illustrious readers. 

http://www.nyc.gov/html/nycmg/nyctv/html/shorts/insidesecrets.shtml

No I can’t embed the vid. I apologize, so you have to link the hard way.